Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out?
Oh, bless those cheesy RomCom movies for having some of the most profound and thought-provoking statements. The one above comes from What a Girl Wants, which always ends up on those “every-2000s-teen-girl-loved-this-movie” lists. And for good reason too: it’s full of actual, real-life advice and stresses self-love and acceptance (not to mention that hunky Colin Firth).
For the past few months, this movie and, more specifically, this quote has been on my mind.
Growing up, I always felt different. I had a ton of friends, sure. I always had things to do and places to go on weekends.
When I got to college, it was more of the same.
As I matured, I realized that I was the one organizing and gathering everyone together: the parties were at my place, the birthday celebrations and trips didn’t happen unless I was at the helm, the adventures became a one-woman show…but it didn’t bother me.
I wanted to do all of these things, so what if I was always planning and organizing them? And to this day, I still love hosting parties, organizing adventures and outings, and thrive on bringing new friends into my circle.
Then right before I left on my study abroad program in 2015, something changed. I took a good look inside and realized that I deserved to be surrounded by people who had the same drive as I did.
I then embarked upon one of the greatest adventure of my life, studying abroad in Germany, taking solo adventures to Poland and the Czech Republic after my program.
I met some of the most adventurous friends and traveled to Denmark and Sweden with them. We criss-crossed all over Germany together, experiencing highs and lows, some getting engaged along the way.
When I returned “home” after my time in Europe, I knew that settling back into my old self was not going to happen. I had changed again. Not only did I crave the friendship of other self-sufficient, adventurous, and kind people, but I also felt stronger. Confident. Humble.
Traveling solo does that to you: it pushes you into scary, new, and often uncomfortable situations. Its cruel intentions force you to look deep within, however unwilling you might be at first, until you relent and finally allow yourself to become vulnerable.
How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand. There is no going back.
JRR Tolkien, “Lord of the Rings: Return of the King”
Something inside me clicked: it all made sense now. I was strong, confident, and trusted myself. I didn’t need to rely on someone else to guide me along a safe route. I had the desire for more solo travel, traversing the globe and seeking adventure on the regular.
I knew that if I sat around waiting for others to join me, I’d be waiting for a really long time. I needed to go alone.
I find myself now traveling as often as I can, solo or with a few other adventurous friends. I utilize holidays, weekends, and squeezed as much travel as I can into my constantly-empty tank of paid time off (PTO) from work, internally cursing my fellow coworkers that failed to use their PTO in a timely manner, thus losing days of vacation at the end of every year.
And as a result, I realize that I am comfortable doing almost anything solo: going to the movies, eating at a restaurant, showing up to parties, etc. I am content with myself, and have no problem deciding to go alone.
Spending time alone isn’t something to look down upon. I am able to reflect without being distracted; be the center of attention without being selfish; pick up and leave whenever I please without seeming rude.
Be a loner.
That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth.
Have holy curiosity.
Make your life worth living.
Albert Einstein
But I also understand that society isn’t ready for this newfound complacency with going solo. My friends and family members express their “concern” for me, varying from gentle suggestions to blatant disagreement.
Looks of disbelief and skepticism still follow me whenever I decide to go alone.
Why did I feel the need to fly to Boston for the weekend?
Why was I craving a weekend jaunt down to Monument Valley?
People somehow began to think that I didn’t want to travel with them. I was left out of girls trips and adventures because friends didn’t think I would want to join. I am strong. I am confident. I don’t rely on others to find happiness and satisfaction in life. And that scared them into believing I was above them.
The joy I have discovered in traveling solo reared its ugly head – the side that nobody really wants to talk about. I realized that people have taken my strength as arrogance. My happiness as elitism. My desire for adventure as running away.
Yet I maintain my course. I continue to travel solo and go alone.
I’ve seen all the looks, heard all of the not-so-nice comments about going at it alone, been judged for my life choices, left out and gossiped about.
I’m human and it stings for a minute or two…until I realize that I wouldn’t have enjoyed that trip anyway, and spending time with those women would have driven me bonkers.
What was the benefit of pining over a trip that I wouldn’t have enjoyed? More money wasted and PTO burned, all to learn something that I already knew and had already experienced?
Wouldn’t it be more fun to jump on a plane to a tropical island for some much-needed me-time?
I figure that I’m too busy now, carving my own path through life to worry about other people. After all, the only person we have control over is ourself, right?
So with all of these crazy thoughts swirling around in my brain, I’ll leave one last thought with you: it’s taken me a while to get to this point in my life where I finally understand my own strength.
It didn’t happen overnight.
And as I get ready to embark upon a new journey soon, one that will shake up my life in all the best ways possible, I’m so glad that I am strong enough to go alone…because I’m awesome. What can be better than hanging out with an awesome person all the time?
What are your thoughts about this? Would you have the courage to go alone?
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