Don’t you just love it when you tell someone where you’re going on vacation…and then they start telling you all of the places you just have to visit to make your trip “worth it?”
Or saying things like “if you didn’t get a picture of XYZ, did you even go?”
Yeah, me neither.
Sometimes that unsolicited advice just turns into a barrage of lofty suggestions that don’t fit into my travel schedule, budget, or taste. Not all travelers are cut from the same batch and not all trips are created equal.
But don’t get me wrong – I do appreciate thoughtful recommendations.
The ones that come from trusted friends that have no other intention than to share a favorite restaurant, venue, or activity.
The ones that stem from an understanding of my travel style and budget.
The ones that are tried and true personal recommendations – not plucked from the TripAdvisor Top 10 lists after a quick Google search.
(Because seriously, if I’m going to Boston, of COURSE I’ll be walking the Freedom Trail).
And thankfully, because of recommendations like these, I’ve found my favorite restaurant in San Francisco, döner stand in Berlin, and music venue in New Orleans.
No, I’m talking about the other kind of recommendations. The ones that come from “experienced” travelers, “cultured” acquaintances, and passers-by that just happened to overhear that you’re traveling to a place that they cruised by from their tour bus.
The ones that say they’ve “done” a destination.
(Really? You’ve “done” Paris? Been to every single restaurant, church, historical site, neighborhood, eaten every type of food, taken every imaginable tour? No? Hm.)
The ones that obviously silently judge you for your particular travel style when it doesn’t coincide with theirs.
The ones that tell you if you didn’t visit some obscure town 3 hours outside of Prague, can you really say that you’ve “been” to the Czech Republic?
I was scrolling through Instagram the other day and came across a beautiful picture of a blogger that I admire in Chefchaouen, Morocco, the famous blue city.
(Don’t know where/what that is? Go ahead and Google it. I’ll wait.)
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Got it? Okay. Her caption read “If you didn’t get a photo on this blue staircase, did you really even *go* to Chefchaouen?” (pondering emoji face)
Granted, the picture was beautiful. And getting a picture similar to this has been on my to-do list for a while. But I’m willing to bet that there are people who would love to go, but don’t really have an interest in taking a picture of themselves wearing a flowing gown in some random alley.
It really bothers me when people talk this way. Like they’re the authority on what constitutes as “counting” a visit somewhere.
If you haven’t dealt with recommendations like this before, can we be friends? Seriously. And consider yourself lucky.
But for those of us who have been the victim of this onslaught of unwanted type of advice, here are a few tips on how to successfully deal with those “You-Have-to-Visit” recommendations…all tried and tested by yours truly!
#1: Smile
Even though the person offering you their ill-advised “you-have-to-visit” recommendations, take a moment to smile at them, even though you have to work your jaw harder than 10 minutes into chewing a wad of Bubble Yum to do it. This person either cares about you (even just a little bit) or is jealous of your travel plans.
For the most part, I’ve learned that people offer advice because they care, no matter how little or in what manner. And when people offer advice, they’re usually dispensing nostalgia from a prior trip that they themselves took a lifetime ago. The least we can do is smile.
#2: Acknowledge
Whether it’s saying “cool,” nodding your head, or following up an unsolicited recommendation with a question, acknowledging the offerer is the quickest way to get them to stahp it.
I’ve worked in a customer service capacity for over 13 years and I can honestly say that people just like to know that they’ve been heard.
#3: Consider the Origins
Unless you know the person peppering you with unwanted advice really well (and I mean really well), take a second before you clap back with a logical retort as to why you won’t be eating at that expensive restaurant in Copenhagen.
Why do you think they’re telling you that you “have-to-do-XYZ” in a certain location? Is it a form of nostalgia that I referred to earlier? Are they jealous and living vicariously through you? Is it their dream to dine at NOMA?
Or, what I’ve come across most often, are they bombarding you with suggestions because they don’t know how else to talk to you about travel, because they don’t have any interest or experience with it? And that maybe their Googled “top-things-to-do” is their only link into the travelsphere?
#4: If Safe, Engage and Ask Questions about the Recommendations
Let’s see…how do I put a caveat on this?
Warning: some people are jerks and enjoy hearing themselves talk. Be wary of these people and try not to engage.
If you’ve deemed the person offering you the unsolicited advice tame with somewhat good intentions, go ahead and engage. Ask them questions.
If they say something similar to “if you didn’t go to XYZ, did you even experience the country,” ask them why they feel that way. Do they have a chip on their shoulder against people who only travel to the capital city? Or was there something awesome that they think you’d actually like in that small town that would take 2 trains and an Uber to get to?
If they say something along the lines of “you just have to eat XYZ in Madrid,” ask them why.
Is it their favorite?
Do they have a fun memory associated with that particular tapa?
Or, this is my favorite, have they actually ever eaten it before…or did they see it on the Food Network?
I. Kid. You. Not. This has happened to me before. I still shake my head when I recall the memory.
#5: Be Grateful
You’re planning on going somewhere fun, while others might be stuck at home, wishing they too could go. Even if it’s through gritted teeth, thank the person offering you advice. You’ll be a better person for this.
#6: Remember that you get to choose which advice you buy with recommendations
The best way to sum this up is actually a quote from the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice:
Elizabeth: What are you doing? I thought the trunks went outside before breakfast.
Maria: Lady Catherine was so severe about the only right way to place gowns, that I couldn’t sleep, and I’m determined to start afresh!
Elizabeth: Maria, this is “your” trunk and “your” gowns. You may arrange them in any way you wish. Lady Catherine will never know!
Pride and Prejudice, BBC 1995
No matter how frequently annoying people bombard you with “you-have-to-visit” recommendations, remember that you don’t have to take their advice.
No matter where we find ourselves in the world, there will always be people around to offer their opinions: about travel, life, employment, whatever. Smile, acknowledge, thank, and then get on your merry way. Enjoy your travels!
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